Joke - golden whippet - yorkshire - etc.

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Fitter
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Joke - golden whippet - yorkshire - etc.

Post by Fitter »

So I work in a goldsmiths up in North Yorkshire and last week an older gentleman from Barnsley walks in, flat cap and all and asks:-

“Can tha mek us a gold statue of me whippet?”

Possibly, do ya want it Eighteen Carrot?” I ask

“Nah, lad” he replies “chewin a bone’ll be fine”
“Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.” ― Mark Twain
"You can't say A causes B if B happens first" - Thomas Sowell

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Re: Joke - golden whippet - yorkshire - etc.

Post by Nifty »

A man saw a sign outside a house in Balham - 'Talking greyhound For Sale.'

He rung the front doors bell, the owner appeared and told him the dog could be viewed in the back garden.
The man saw a very nice looking greyhound sitting there.
"Do you really talk?" he asks the greyhound.
"Yes," the greyhound replied.
After recovering from the shock of hearing the greyhound talk, the man asks, "So, tell me your story."
The greyhound looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young.
I wanted to help the government, so I joined the SAS.
"In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a greyhound would be eavesdropping.
"I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years.
But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired."
The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the greyhound.
"Ten quid," the owner says.
"£10!!? But this greyhound is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"
"Because he's a lying bastard. He's never been out of the garden!!.

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Re: Joke - golden whippet - yorkshire - etc.

Post by Nifty »

What’s the difference between greyhound racing and Garry Glitter?

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Re: Joke - golden whippet - yorkshire - etc.

Post by Bald Eagle »

A Yorkshire man's beloved wife passed away.
He went to the headstone maker to sort out the stone for her grave. Being a devout man, he decided the inscription should read 'She was thine'. The stonemason told him to return a week later.
A week later the man returns to inspect the stone. The proud stonemason wheeled it out in a trolley. It looked fabulous, except the inscription read 'She was thin'.
"It's missing an 'e'," he exclaimed.
The slightly embarrassed mason apologised profusely and asked him to return a week later and he would fix it.
A week later, the Yorkshire man headed back to inspect the finished stone. The mason wheeled it out again. The poor widower inspected the stone. It said...
'E she was thin'.
“Never argue with a know-it-all. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.”

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Re: Joke - golden whippet - yorkshire - etc.

Post by Bald Eagle »

A city in Yorkshire has gone missing....
Police say they have no Leeds.
“Never argue with a know-it-all. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.”

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Re: Joke - golden whippet - yorkshire - etc.

Post by Bald Eagle »

Copper Wire
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, French scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the French: in the weeks that followed, American archaeologists dug to a depth of 20 feet before finding traces of copper wire. Shortly afterwards, they published an article in the New York Times saying : "American archaeologists, having found traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the French."

A few weeks later, ‘The British Archaeological Society of North Yorkshire’ reported the following: "After digging down to a depth of 33 feet in the Skipton area of North Yorkshire in 2020, Charlie Hardcastle, a self-taught amateur archaeologist, reported that he had found absolutely bugger all. Charlie has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Yorkshire had already gone wireless."
“Never argue with a know-it-all. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.”

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Re: Joke - golden whippet - yorkshire - etc.

Post by Bald Eagle »

From a French friend.

Toto est à l’école et demande s’il peut aller au WC. La maîtresse dit non.

Puis, elle demande à Toto, “Où est le plus grand fleuve du monde ?”

“Sous mon banc,” il répond.
“Never argue with a know-it-all. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.”

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