Jokes.

A place for some light-hearted chat.
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Nifty
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Nifty »

Come to think of it, it was a cherry orchard. I was only there for four seasons.

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Flaneur
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Flaneur »

Nifty wrote:
Sat Aug 03, 2019 10:05 pm
Come to think of it, it was a cherry orchard. I was only there for four seasons.

That's another experience to Chekhov the bucket list.
Same old nonsense.

ajm
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Re: Jokes.

Post by ajm »

Just heard this on Test Match Special:
What did Big Ben say to the leaning tower of Pisa?
I've got the time if you've got the inclination. :D
"If I had known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself."Mae West.

Lemorvan
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Lemorvan »

But Big Ben doesn't have the time, it's a bell,

ajm
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Re: Jokes.

Post by ajm »

Lemorvan wrote:
Mon Aug 05, 2019 1:02 pm
But Big Ben doesn't have the time, it's a bell,

I know that - but it was an Australian who told it. Don't be so pedantic - have a nice day!
"If I had known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself."Mae West.

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Annabelle's Papa
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Annabelle's Papa »

Lemorvan wrote:
Mon Aug 05, 2019 1:02 pm
But Big Ben doesn't have the time, it's a bell,

Where's the thumbs down emoji when you want it ! :D
The truth is everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for. Bob Marley

Lemorvan
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Lemorvan »

👎

OldSchool
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Re: Jokes.

Post by OldSchool »

There are two statues in a park, one of a nude man and one of a nude woman.
They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when
one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings
the two to life.

The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing
summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do
what you've wished to do the most.'

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery.
The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen
minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.

The angel tells them, 'Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?

He asks her 'Shall we?'

She eagerly replies, 'Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions. This time, I'll hold

the pigeon down and you shit on its head.'

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Re: Jokes.

Post by OldSchool »

Yesterday was not a good day.
I decided to try horseback riding after work to relax.
It turned out to be a mistake!

I got on the horse and started out slowly, but then we went a little faster; before I knew it, we were going as fast as the horse could go.
The horse made a sudden jerk and reared up, and I couldn't hold on.
I fell off, but my foot got caught in the stirrup.
The horse kept bucking and running, and was dragging me and wouldn't stop.

Thank goodness the manager of the grocery store came out and unplugged the machine.
But then he had the nerve to take the rest of my coins so I wouldn't attempt to drive the Batmobile.

Lemorvan
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Lemorvan »

A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town.

They were about to have sex when the girl stopped.

“I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge £20 for sex.”

The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.

After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window.

“Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asked the girl.

“Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is £25…”

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