Jokes.

A place for some light-hearted chat.
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Lemorvan
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Lemorvan »

My wife asked me to give her a "Liverpool" the other night.
She wanted me to stay on top but still manage to come second.

Lemorvan
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Lemorvan »

People are usually shocked when they find out I’m not a good electrician.

Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

A hanging basket is a cheap and easy way to brighten your garden, they say.
IMG_20190628_180224-384x512.jpg
IMG_20190628_180224-384x512.jpg (91.61 KiB) Viewed 440 times
Pish!

Chris
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Chris »

Ally hanging basket so good !
Missis asked for hanging baskets on the terrace not impressed with your suggestion

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mysty
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Re: Jokes.

Post by mysty »

Why do so many Brits buy in Brittany?
Its easier for them to learn how to spell Brittany as they only have to remember the last four letters coming from Britain.
I just wrote that one myself :lol:
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Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

I thought it was called that because there were lots of Anglais who made it feel quite Britainy. I wrote that one.

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mysty
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Re: Jokes.

Post by mysty »

This guy buys a parrot and takes him home.
The parrot does not say much other than, I am a killer do not come near me.
After two weeks the owner is getting sick of hearing. I am a killer do not come near me.
So he goes out and buys a kestrel puts it in the parrots cage late at night and goes to bed.
In the morning he goes in and instead of seeing a dead parrot, the kestrel had its head ripped off and the parrot was saying I am a killer do not come near me.
So the owner thinks that's it I will get a golden eagle and sort him right out.
That night the owner slips the Golden eagle into the Parrots cage and goes to bed.
In the morning he goes into the parrots room and sees the parrot alive but without a single feather on him and the Golden eagle dead in the corner
The owner says what happened here. The parrot says I knew he was going to be a tough bastard so I had to take my clothes off. :lol:

That's not a home made one but modified from the sweary version that came via facebook
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Chris
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Chris »

Spud head

Upset little kid runs into the house blubbing away and says to his Mam
‘ Mam mam all the kids laugh at me and say that I have a big head , they say me heads too big for my body ‘
Mam replies ‘ There there now take no notice and stop crying I need you to go to the shop and get me five pound of potatoes ‘
‘You can bring the spuds back in your hat’

Lemorvan
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Lemorvan »

Two married friends are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His friend looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's ass and say, 'How about a blowjob?' ....and she's always sound asleep."

Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

The news that Waxey-Lemon has been jailed has made my whole week.
Much the same as it will do for him, phonetically speaking.

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