Jokes.

A place for some light-hearted chat.
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OldSchool
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Re: Jokes.

Post by OldSchool »

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up.
One is a retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blonde in her mid-twenties.

The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion.
He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, a whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"

The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage.

The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.
The lion stops dead in his tracks, then sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles.
He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner's jaw is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life."

He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, "Can you top that?

The tough old golfer replies, "No problem, just get that lion out of there."

curtis
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Re: Jokes.

Post by curtis »

Samedi je suis allé à la boutique du quartier à vélo et j'ai acheté une bouteille de whisky.

J'ai donc mis la bouteille dans le panier porte-bagage du vélo.

Alors que je m'apprêtais à partir, je me suis rendu compte que si jamais je tombais,

la bouteille se casserait.

Alors, j'ai bu toute la bouteille de whisky et je suis rentré.

Mais vous n'allez pas me croire.

Cette magnifique idée de boire tout mon whisky s'est avérée providentielle, car je suis tombé jusqu’à sept fois sur le chemin de retour !

Imaginez ce qui serait arrivé à la bouteille !

> L'intelligence va me tuer un jour..
Drive fast, attract the Police. Drive faster, attract sponsors.

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Nifty
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Nifty »

Joint News Conference

ajm
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Re: Jokes.

Post by ajm »

Nifty wrote:
Sun Jun 09, 2019 9:59 am
Joint News Conference
????
If I had known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself. Mae West.

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Nifty
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Nifty »

In the light of the rotational ‘story’ that is in the media about the use of drugs by ministers, I saw some clip of talking heads, in the studio as opposed to the band, and there was a notice in shot that said Joint News Conference which I thought was rather apt.
Pictured here is a green bus as opposed to a red one



Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

Sally told me tonight that she was leaving me because I live in the past.
"Piss off then!", I told her "And don't let the portcullis hit you on the arse!"

Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

Sign ootside an Egyptian carpark.

TOOT AND COME IN

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jsks
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Re: Jokes.

Post by jsks »

'Does the xray show what's wrong, Dr?'

'it's possibly curvature of the spine. But that's just a hunch.'

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Andy72
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Andy72 »

Whenever I watch the US play Mexico in any sporting event there always seems to be a massive gulf between them.
Don’t walk away in silence.

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FrenchForumSurvivor
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Re: Jokes.

Post by FrenchForumSurvivor »

Three English chaps were discussing the gender of certain French words and wondered about the gender of the word for spoon.
The first chap says, "I think it's masculine, I heard a bloke saying, 'je me suis lavé le cul hier,' ".
"No, it's feminine," says the second, "I heard someone say, 'je me suis lavé la queue hier,' ".
Shaking his head, the third chap responds, "No, no, you're both wrong, it's a plural, I heard my neighbour say, 'je me suis lavé les couilles hier' ".
“Donald Trump is a curious blend;
There's crap comes out of either end."
—With apologies to Ogden Nash

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