Jokes.

A place for some light-hearted chat.
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Nifty
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Nifty »

I hear that Cole’s Law addresses practical aspects of using thinly sliced cabbage.

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mysty
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Re: Jokes.

Post by mysty »

Elizabeth says I cannot spell :lol: :lol:
mysty1 the new up to date user friendly version for an enhanced user experience

OldSchool
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Re: Jokes.

Post by OldSchool »

Three ladies are chipping up to the fourth hole at River Oaks Golf Club
when a naked man wearing a paper bag over his head jumps from the trees
and runs across the green.

The three ladies stand in awe at the size of his manhood.

The first lady says, 'He is definitely not my husband.'

The second lady, gazes at his manhood and says, 'He is not mine either.'

After a very considerable inspection, the third lady finally says, 'He's not
even a member of this golf club'

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FrenchForumSurvivor
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Re: Jokes.

Post by FrenchForumSurvivor »

I’VE BEEN BANNED FROM TESCO’S
Yesterday I was at my local Tesco’s store buying a large bag of My Dog dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What, did she think I had an elephant? So, since I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I’d lost 10 kilograms before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter’s arse and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I’m now banned from Tesco’s.
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.
"I am a man of fixed and unbending principles, the first of which is to be flexible at all times." - Everett Dirksen

Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

All day I've been struggling to remember the capital city of Vietnam. It's starting to Hanoi me now.

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Tom
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Tom »

Image
“The cow is of the bovine ilk;
One end is moo, the other milk."
—Ogden Nash

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Tom
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Tom »

All day I've been struggling to remember the capital city of Vietnam. It's starting to Hanoi me now.
:? Now with Saigon I can't remember either.
“The cow is of the bovine ilk;
One end is moo, the other milk."
—Ogden Nash

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FrenchForumSurvivor
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Re: Jokes.

Post by FrenchForumSurvivor »

I can't find China's capital without looking.
"I am a man of fixed and unbending principles, the first of which is to be flexible at all times." - Everett Dirksen

Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

Sally isnae speaking to me because I didnae open the car door and let her mother out. To be honest, I just panicked and swam to the surface.

Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

My luck is turning. After months of looking for a job, I finally got a call today saying they think I'm the man they're looking for and they'd like to interview me at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning. Fantastic, but the funny thing is, I don't even remember applying tae join the polis.

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