Jokes.

[mysty]

That makes my snow man jokes seem funny

[Ally]

2-squared-2-naw-it-disnae-_crop_355x467.jpg (46.75 KiB) Viewed 480 times

[ajm]

That's nae Disney!

[Ally]

[mysty]

A snowman asks the wife what's for tea. I do not want another curry it went right through me.
She says anything hot does not agree with you.

[OldSchool]

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5lbs weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5lbs as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10lbs program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me".

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10lbs as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25 lbs program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you are mine."

He lost 33 lbs that week..

[michael86]

My wife was undressing in the bedroom the other night, in front of the window with the curtains open. I said to her,"Come away from that window. The neighbours will think I married you for your money."

[Ally]

I'm hearing that due to a right royal foul up on the roads last week, an admiral, two meerkats and an opera singer are facing redundancy.

[mysty]

Sally says its not just the toilet paper that's got smaller over the years

[Ally]

Sally says its not just the toilet paper that's got smaller over the years

She's not wrong.