Jokes.

A place for some light-hearted chat.
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OTBC
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Re: Jokes.

Post by OTBC »

I was sitting on the train this morning opposite a really sexy Thai bird.

I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection. Please don't get an erection."

But she did.

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Nifty
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Nifty »

Six pairs of breasts sounds funny dozen tit.

Archy
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Archy »

Please delete me with pleasure if this is a bit too near the bone :lol:

My mouth feels like the bottom of a bird cage

reply: well you have had a cockatoo in there :o

michael86
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Re: Jokes.

Post by michael86 »

I asked my boss, "where do you want me to put this 10 metre roll of bubble wrap?"
He replied, "just pop it in the corner."
4 hours it took me!

Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

Never buy a cheap border collie from a guy in a pub who's been buying you whisky all night.
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Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

A Scottish guy is suing a London based radio station because he was denied the prize of a holiday in the US when he, according to the radio station, answered a quiz question wrongly.

Question: Where is Santa Fe?

Scotsman: The North Pole.

Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

If you glue a wasp to your palm you can walk around slapping people you don't like and act like a hero.

curtis
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Re: Jokes.

Post by curtis »

L’église était pleine. Les bancs débordaient de monde. Soudain, dans un nuage de fumée, Satan apparut au milieu de l'église.

Tout le monde se mit à crier et à courir vers la sortie en se bousculant.
Seul, un vieillard était resté assis tranquille sur son banc.

Il avait l'air de se foutre du diable qui se trouvait devant lui.

Satan s'adressa au vieil homme :

- Tu ne sais pas qui je suis ?

L'homme répondit :

- Bien sûr que si.

- N'as-tu pas peur de moi ? lui demanda Satan

- Pas du tout, dit l'homme.

- Ne réalises-tu pas que je peux te tuer d'un seul mot ?

- J'en doute pas une minute, répondit calmement le vieil homme.

- Sais-tu que je peux t' infliger d'horribles souffrances pour l'éternité ?

- Ouais, je sais ça aussi.

- Et tu n'as toujours pas peur de moi ? demanda Satan.

- Pas du tout !

Exaspéré, Satan lui demanda :

- Pourquoi n'as-tu pas peur de moi ?

L'homme répondit calmement :

- Cela fait 58 ans que je suis marié avec ta sœur...!
Drive fast, attract the Police. Drive faster, attract sponsors.

Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

I was sitting in front of the telly when I said to Sally "Get me a beer before it starts!"
"Get it yourself, you lazy b@$£@?&!", she replied.
I thought, "That's it bloody started!"

Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

The last thing a hooker sees before the boot lid closes.
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