Jokes.

A place for some light-hearted chat.
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Nifty
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Nifty »

Simply Red singer Mick Hucknall was found earlier today by Merseyside police having sex with a rabbit in a field!
A spokesperson from the Merseyside force said when they found him he was holding back the ears shouting
‘Bunnies too tight to mention"

Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

I got a new dog today. He's magic. He's a Labracadabrador.

Elstow

Re: Jokes.

Post by Elstow »

A man walked into the opticians with a shoe box. He gave the optician the box, and on opening it the optician saw that it contained a turd 12 inches long and 4 inches thick.

The optician said "that's very interesting, but why have you brought it to me?

The man replied "every time I do one of these, my eyes water."

Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

Posts tonight about pees, poos, pants and frozen eggs. Can I suggest the next time any off you are ask for samples at the hospital you just leave your drawers behind. That should cover everything.

ajm
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Re: Jokes.

Post by ajm »

A guy goes into the clubhouse after a round of golf and sees the price list behind the bar:
Beer £2
Sandwich £3
Hand job £10
He walks up to the gorgeous barmaid and asks if she gives the hand job - to which she says " I sure do "
So he says "go and wash your hands - I want a cheese sandwich"
If I had known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself. Mae West.

Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

So happy. I've just received my results from my shepherd exams.
I got a B and 2 As.

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mysty
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Re: Jokes.

Post by mysty »

Farage wrote in todays paper

He wrote in The Daily Telegraph on Saturday that people have "stopped me in the street to ask: when are you coming back?"

Mysty says

They were having al augh :lol:

Even his mother would not miss him 8-)
mysty1 the new up to date user friendly version for an enhanced user experience

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Tom
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Tom »

Image
“The cow is of the bovine ilk;
One end is moo, the other milk."
—Ogden Nash

OTBC
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Re: Jokes.

Post by OTBC »

As I loaded my gun and cocked it, I asked my wife "any last words?"

5 hours later I shot her

OTBC
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Re: Jokes.

Post by OTBC »

Two packs of Marlboro are in the pub bragging to the Silk Cuts about how hard they are.

"I'm so hard I have so much nicotine" says the first pack of Marlboro.

"That's nothing" boasts the second pack of Marlboro "I have tar in me. "

Suddenly a green pack of cigarettes walks into the bar and the two packs of Marlboro hide under the tables.
The green pack of cigarettes walks up to the bar, orders a small sherry, drinks it and leaves.
The two packs of Marlboro come out from under the table & approach the Silk Cuts.

"We thought you two said you were hard" said one of the Silk Cuts.

"We are" said the Marlboros "but we're not messing with him, he's fucking menthol."

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