Jokes.

A place for some light-hearted chat.
Mike
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Mike »

I think the "and a canary who is asleep at the moment" is a classic worthy of a Monty Python sketch.

After the Storm 2
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Re: Jokes.

Post by After the Storm 2 »

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AIIy
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Re: Jokes.

Post by AIIy »

I was in a pub with my mate and these four big guys started giving us the evil eye.
My mate said, "Pretend we're the police."
I didnae get the first line of Walking On The Moon finished before they kicked the shit out us.
Being funny makes you more attractive.
Beauty fades but sarcasm lives forever.

After the Storm 2
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Re: Jokes.

Post by After the Storm 2 »

One of those comments that does much more than just be a joke.
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Why were police deployed in front of the statue, what did they think women carrying flowers and candles would do or go there? Nationalistic jingoistic nonsense being whipped up again.

Mike
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Mike »

Back to a joke??????

"WordPerfect Technical Desk, may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing."
"It's blank; it won't accept anything that I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor. I told you, it won't accept anything I type!"
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a
little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord
goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the
wall."
"......Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables
plugged into the back of it not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other
cable."
"......Okay, here it is."
Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of the
computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh-huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle. It's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from
the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power outage? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the
boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came it?"
"Well, yes. I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was
when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then. What do I tell them?"

"Tell them you're too damn stupid to own a computer."

Mike
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Mike »

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jsks
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Re: Jokes.

Post by jsks »

Glass coffins a good idea?

Remains to be seen.

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AIIy
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Re: Jokes.

Post by AIIy »

When I die I want the undertaker to stove my skull in with a claymore then bury it along side me with some copper and brass bangles etched with drawings of aliens and flying saucers just to mess with some future archaeologist's mind.
Being funny makes you more attractive.
Beauty fades but sarcasm lives forever.

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AIIy
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Re: Jokes.

Post by AIIy »

The British Variant. The Andy Murray of Covid 19.
Being funny makes you more attractive.
Beauty fades but sarcasm lives forever.

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AIIy
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Re: Jokes.

Post by AIIy »

Who's that standing next to Priti Patel?
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Being funny makes you more attractive.
Beauty fades but sarcasm lives forever.

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