Jokes.

A place for some light-hearted chat.
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rabbit
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Re: Jokes.

Post by rabbit »

niemeyjt wrote:
Fri Mar 12, 2021 7:13 am
Image
that's more of a Soap Oprah

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AIIy
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Re: Jokes.

Post by AIIy »

According to New Scientist, electric catfish cannot be shocked and scientists don’t know why.
I've suggested showing it the cost of the UK's test and trace.
Being funny makes you more attractive.
Beauty fades but sarcasm lives forever.

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Re: Jokes.

Post by niemeyjt »

BBQ.jpg
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Re: Jokes.

Post by niemeyjt »

Mabel and Maude are outside the nursing home having a crafty smoke when it starts to rain. Mabel pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Maude: What in the hell is that?

Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Maude: Where do you get them?

Mabel: You can get them at any chemist.

The next day, Maude hobbles into the local Boots and tells the assistant that she wants a box of condoms.

The assistant, obviously embarrassed, very delicately asks Maude what brand of condom she prefers.

Maude replies: "It doesn't matter, as long as it fits on a Camel."

The assistant fainted.

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Bald Eagle
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Bald Eagle »

When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
“Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.”

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Nifty
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Nifty »

Burk has great interet.

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Re: Jokes.

Post by niemeyjt »

I once had this stunning new girlfriend. After the first date we went back to her place for the night and settled in the bedroom. I had a quick peek in her knicker drawer and noticed she had a nurse's outfit, a french maid's outfit and a police woman’s uniform in there. We broke up - I decided that if she couldn’t hold down a job down she wasn’t the girl for me.

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Bald Eagle
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Bald Eagle »

Steve and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming fishing trip.
Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go this time because his wife wouldn't let him.
After a lot of teasing and name calling, Steve headed home frustrated.

The following week when Steve's buddies arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Steve.
He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, fishing rod in hand, and a camp fire glowing.
"How did you talk your missus into letting you go Steve?"
"I didn't have to," Steve replied.
"Yesterday, when I left work, I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows because I couldn't go fishing. Then the ol' lady Snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'. When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see through negligee and she said, 'Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want,' So, Here I am!"
“Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.”

Mike
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Mike »

Probably posted before but worth watching again:


Veem
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Veem »

Mike wrote:
Sun Mar 14, 2021 5:31 pm
Probably posted before but worth watching again:

I would just have loved to be the Spaniard at the end of that exchange ................

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