Jokes.

A place for some light-hearted chat.
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AIIy
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Re: Jokes.

Post by AIIy »

This is the first year I won't be doing the London Marathon because of Covid. I usually don't do it because I drink.
Being funny makes you more attractive.
Beauty fades but sarcasm lives forever.

niemeyjt
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Re: Jokes.

Post by niemeyjt »

My wife phoned me at work on St Valentine's Day.

"Three of the girls in the office have just received huge bunches of flowers. They are absolutely gorgeous" she said.

"That's why they have been sent flowers then" was not the right answer.

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AIIy
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Re: Jokes.

Post by AIIy »

So Valentines night I ended up sleeping with one of my neighbours. Unfortunately, I couldn't get an erection. She was so kind and understanding though.
"Don't worry about it", she said, "That used to happen to me."
Being funny makes you more attractive.
Beauty fades but sarcasm lives forever.

Polarengineer
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Polarengineer »

BREXIT
I have experienced a mid winter whiteout on the high tundra between Alta and Skaidi, I tell you, it's no big deal there is nothing to see, anyway, I must go back there as I think I left the northern lights on.

niemeyjt
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Re: Jokes.

Post by niemeyjt »

AIIy wrote:
Tue Feb 16, 2021 2:22 pm
So Valentines night I ended up sleeping with one of my neighbours. Unfortunately, I couldn't get an erection. She was so kind and understanding though.
"Don't worry about it", she said, "That used to happen to me."
Just remember, Viagra does not make you James Bond - but it does make you Roger More

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Nifty
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Nifty »

Obviously hard-up for jokes !

Mike
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Mike »

It Snowed Last Night

8:00 am: I made a snowman.

8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.

8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.

8:17 - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.

8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.

8:22 - The transgender man..women...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.

8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.

8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.

8:31 - The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up.

8:40 - The Police arrived saying someone had been offended.

8:42 - The feminist neighbour complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.

8:43 - The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.

8:45 - TV news crews from BBC, ITV, CNN and SKY showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women?
I replied "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.

9:00 - I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.

9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.

9:29 - Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested.

By Noon it had all melted

Moral:
There is no moral to this story.
It is exactly what we have become.....all caused by Snowflakes.
God help us!

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AIIy
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Re: Jokes.

Post by AIIy »

Apologies to Mike for the theft of his joke.

It Snowed Last Night

8:00 am: I made a snowman.

8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.

8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.

8:17 - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.

8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.

8:22 - The transgender man..women...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.

8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.

8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.

8:31 - The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up.

8:40 - The Police arrived saying someone had been offended.

8:42 - The feminist neighbour complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.

8:43 - The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.

8:45 - TV news crews from BBC, ITV, CNN and SKY showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women?
I replied "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.

9:00 - I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.

9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.

9:29 - Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested.

By Noon it had all melted

Moral:
There is no moral to this story.
That would be life if everyone on the forum lived on the same street. 🤣🤣🤣
Being funny makes you more attractive.
Beauty fades but sarcasm lives forever.

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AIIy
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Re: Jokes.

Post by AIIy »

What did the snowman do for sex after his wife died?
He went to frostitutes.
Being funny makes you more attractive.
Beauty fades but sarcasm lives forever.

Mike
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Mike »

I don't know if this is real or not, God help us in the future if it is.


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