Jokes.

A place for some light-hearted chat.
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Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

I opened the window for two seconds to let a fly out and 10 flies, 50 Midgies, 2 moths and a flipping Jehovah's Witness came in.

Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

In the bar earlier, I had 4 Richards and four beers. I said to Lionel, the barman, I really shouldn't with what I've got.
What have you got, says he.
62 centimes I said.

Le Démerdeur
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Le Démerdeur »

I struggle to swallow the third Richard, makes me gag!

Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

I struggled to swallow that one too. A random skeleton under a Liecester car park.

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Fitter
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Fitter »

His and her diary from the same day...

Her Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

His Diary:


























Motorcycle won’t start…can't figure out why.
“Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.” ― Mark Twain
"You can't say A causes B if B happens first" - Thomas Sowell

Elstow

Re: Jokes.

Post by Elstow »

At a wine merchant, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire. A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position.

The director of the winery wondered how to send him away.

He gave him a glass to drink. The drunk tried it and said: "It's a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade, but acceptable.”

"That's correct", said the boss.

Another glass....

"It's a cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for finest results."

"Correct."

A third glass...

''It's a pinot blanc champagne, high grade and exclusive,'' calmly said the drunk.

The director was astonished.

He winked at his secretary, secretly suggesting something.

She left the room and came back in with a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it.

"It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant - and if I don't get the job, I'll name the father.

Lemorvan
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Lemorvan »

The last time Germany was knocked out of the World Cup in the group stage was 1938. Lets hope they don't react as badly this time.

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Re: Jokes.

Post by Lemorvan »

image.jpeg
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Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

Don't cry 4 - 3 Argentina

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mysty
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Re: Jokes.

Post by mysty »

What's the difference between the Scottish and Danish football teams
Not a lot they are both bad but the Danes can put the ball in the back of the net :lol:
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