Jokes.

A place for some light-hearted chat.
ajm
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Re: Jokes.

Post by ajm »

Theakstons may not be the best beer but it's miles better than the freezing cold Tennents I had last time in Scotland.
"If I had known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself."Mae West.

niemeyjt
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Re: Jokes.

Post by niemeyjt »

Boy Strawberry says to Girl Strawberry: "If we hadn't been in the same bed together we wouldn't be in this jam now".

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AIIy
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Re: Jokes.

Post by AIIy »

ajm wrote:
Wed Jan 13, 2021 4:04 pm
Theakstons may not be the best beer but it's miles better than the freezing cold Tennents I had last time in Scotland.
They don't like it up 'em Captain Mainwaring, Sir.
Being funny makes you more attractive.
Beauty fades but sarcasm lives forever.

ajm
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Re: Jokes.

Post by ajm »

AIIy wrote:
Wed Jan 13, 2021 4:18 pm
ajm wrote:
Wed Jan 13, 2021 4:04 pm
Theakstons may not be the best beer but it's miles better than the freezing cold Tennents I had last time in Scotland.
They don't like it up 'em Captain Mainwaring, Sir.
Don't be like that Ally just because I had the misfortune to be the only member of my family to have been born south of Hadrian's wall. :D
"If I had known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself."Mae West.

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AIIy
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Re: Jokes.

Post by AIIy »

Don't be like what? It's the joke section. Surely retaliatory piss taking is obligatory.
Theakstons is pish but I'll defend your right to defend it with every fibre of your being, with every fibre of my being.
Anyway Tennents and Theakstons are two totally different products. I'd only drink Tennents in the absence of choice.
Being funny makes you more attractive.
Beauty fades but sarcasm lives forever.

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Nifty
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Nifty »

Did you hear about the woman who was living in a tyre ?















It burst. Now she is living in a flat.

Mike
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Mike »

Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke?
Why do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters?
Why do we leave cars worth thousands of £ in our driveways and put our useless junk in the garage?
EVER WONDER... Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery’?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavouring, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?
Why do they sterilise the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

niemeyjt
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Re: Jokes.

Post by niemeyjt »

Just the other day I whispered to the children - "Dinner time"
They asked why I was whispering, so I said someone is probably listening.
The kids laughed.
I laughed.
Alexa laughed.

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rabbit
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Re: Jokes.

Post by rabbit »

Two snowmen in a garden. One snowman says to the other "Oy, can you smell carrots?"

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FrenchForumSurvivor
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Re: Jokes.

Post by FrenchForumSurvivor »

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"I am a man of fixed and unbending principles, the first of which is to be flexible at all times." - Everett Dirksen

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