Jokes.

A place for some light-hearted chat.
niemeyjt
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Re: Jokes.

Post by niemeyjt »

Boris has just announced the UK post lock down arrangements for Christmas.

I tell you it will all end in tiers.

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Re: Jokes.

Post by niemeyjt »

Boris has also announced that as well as marriages and funerals, christenings will also be permitted provided the correct social distancing rules are observed.
chr.png

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AIIy
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Re: Jokes.

Post by AIIy »

A man and his rather flat chested wife seek marriage guidance. The councillor asks "What seems to be the main issue causing problems in your marriage.
The husband replies, "Dolly - fekin - Parton here reckons I'm overly sarcastic."
Being funny makes you more attractive.
Beauty fades but sarcasm lives forever.

niemeyjt
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Re: Jokes.

Post by niemeyjt »

Some tragic news. The inventor of the throat lozenge has sadly passed away.
There will be no coffin at his funeral.

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FrenchForumSurvivor
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Re: Jokes.

Post by FrenchForumSurvivor »

Pourquoi les poissons ne vont pas en cours d'anglais? Parce qu'il s'en fichent.
"I am a man of fixed and unbending principles, the first of which is to be flexible at all times." - Everett Dirksen

niemeyjt
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Re: Jokes.

Post by niemeyjt »

SWMBO asked for some peace and quiet whilst she was cooking dinner last night - so I took the battery out of the smoke detector.

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AIIy
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Re: Jokes.

Post by AIIy »

What a night. My daughter is just off the phone going nuts about something I said to Sally earlier today. Sally asked what to do about the grandweans running mental around the house looking for hidden Christmas presents.
"Put them in the cellar and lock the door", says I.
Jeez, did I really need explain I meant the presents?
Being funny makes you more attractive.
Beauty fades but sarcasm lives forever.

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Re: Jokes.

Post by ajm »

This may have already been on here but anyway
Husband to wife ' Am I the only one you have been with ' - to which she replied ' Yes! -All the others were 9s and 10s' :lol:
"If I had known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself."Mae West.

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Re: Jokes.

Post by niemeyjt »

Vladimir Putin has been diagnosed as asthmatic.

He will now be known as Vlad the Inhaler.

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Re: Jokes.

Post by Nifty »

and that, according to the BBC, he overdoses on Mometasone Asmanex Twisthaler’s and dictates that ricin be prescribed to his friends. As reported by others, the BBC are always getting stuff out ot propionate.

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