Jokes.

A place for some light-hearted chat.
OldSchool
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Re: Jokes.

Post by OldSchool »

A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. As the food was served, the husband
said, "the food looks delicious, let's eat."

Wife : Dear, you say prayer before eating at home.
Husband : That's at home ... here the chef knows how to cook.

OldSchool
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Re: Jokes.

Post by OldSchool »

He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.'
I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books."

OldSchool
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Re: Jokes.

Post by OldSchool »

And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him.
I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?'
He said 'Yes, this is my livelihood.'

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Re: Jokes.

Post by OldSchool »

"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?"
I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it."

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Re: Jokes.

Post by OldSchool »

"So I rang up my local swimming baths.
I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?'
He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'"

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Re: Jokes.

Post by OldSchool »

“So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.'
I swerved.
Then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.'
And I swerved again.
He rang up a third time and said 'You're the managing director.'
And I went into a tree.
A policeman arrived and said 'What happened to you?'
I said 'I careered off the road.'

Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

Sally said "My brother makes love to his wife every day. Why can't you do that?"
I said, "I do but I had no idea you'd be OK with it."

Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

If a Brit moves to France with his dog does it become an Ex-pet.

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Bald Eagle
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Bald Eagle »

"Waiter, would you please get your thumb out of my soup?"
"So sorry sir, but I have a boil and the doctor told me to keep it warm."
"Well why don't you just stick it up your ass?"
"I do sir, but I've got to serve customers occasionally..."
“Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.”

Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

I was digging a hole in the garden when I found a box full of gold coins. I was so excited I ran in to tell Sally, altogether forgetting why I was digging the hole in the first place.

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