Jokes.

A place for some light-hearted chat.
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Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

A horse walks into a bar and the barman asks, "Why the long face?"

Horse: "My wife said she's not going to talk to me for 7 days."

Barman: "So why the long face then?"

Horse: "She said it a week ago."

OTBC
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Re: Jokes.

Post by OTBC »

yet another completely unjustified & brutal police attack!

Daily Mail: COPS BEAT UP CHINESE MAN AFTER ASKING FOR HIS NAME....

"I've lost all faith in our police" said a very bruised Fuk Yu.

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Re: Jokes.

Post by mysty »

A horse pops into a bar and asks for a pint of milk and some crisps. The barman says all I have is hedge hog flavour or beef and oinion.
The horse says forget it the barman says how can I forget it I just said it.
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Re: Jokes.

Post by OTBC »

"I love you loads, honey pie" my wife said earlier.

"And I love you tonnes" I replied.

"What, no nickname for me?" she asked, disappointed.

Sometimes I swear the fat cow is going deaf.

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Re: Jokes.

Post by ajm »

Tom: my wife ran off with my best friend Mike yesterday
Harry: since when has Mike been your best friend?
Tom: since yesterday!!
If I had known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself. Mae West.

Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

Yesterday I was at my local supermarket buying a large bag of dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had an elephant?
So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 10 pounds before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.
By this time everybody in the queue was listening in to my story. Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no, I stepped off the pavement to sniff an Alsatian's arse and a car hit me.

Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

What do get if you cross the duke of Edinburgh and the queen?
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Killed in a Paris road tunnel.

Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

I picked up a hitchhiker today. He said how did I know he wasn't a psychotic serial killer.
I said the odds against two psychotic serial killers being in the same car at the same time must be astronomical.

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Re: Jokes.

Post by mysty »

Why did people vote for brexit
They thought sex would be better outside the control of the EU.
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Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

If women are so good at multitasking why can't they have sex and a headache at the same time?

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