Jokes.

A place for some light-hearted chat.
niemeyjt
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Re: Jokes.

Post by niemeyjt »

I went to Sainsbury's this morning and a clown at the entrance opened the door for me. Wasn't that a nice jester.

niemeyjt
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Re: Jokes.

Post by niemeyjt »

I want to share my daily prayer with you all.

Dear Lord,

In your merciful kindness this year you have deprived me of my favourite singers Little Richard, Kenny Rodgers, Millie Small and Bill Withers.

In your infinite wisdom you have taken away this year my favourite actors Honor Blackman and Kirk Douglas.

In your bountiful generosity this year you have elevated to heaven my favourite comedy stars Tim Brooke-Taylor and Nicolas Parsons.

In your omnipresence this year you have chosen to take my favourite sporting heroes Kobe Bryant, Norman Hunter and Stirling Moss.

I just want to let you know that my favourite politicians are Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Emanuel Macron and Dominic Cummings.

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mysty
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Re: Jokes.

Post by mysty »

What do call a snowman who has sex without a condom and does not wear a mask in public.

Living on the edge ;)
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Flaneur
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Flaneur »

What do you call a black-and-white striped snow-horse which hangs around a railway?

Ice Station Zebra.
Same old nonsense.

Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

At crucial stage in a trial, the judge ruffles some papers on his bench then announces to the court that he has left a paper,,vital to the proceedings, in his chambers and consequently he will adjourn until the following day.
"Fax it up, M'lud", says the clerk.
"Yas," replied the judge, "it does rather."

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mysty
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Re: Jokes.

Post by mysty »

Why does pea and ham soup upset snowmen's tummies.
Gives them the runs. :lol:
( better than my last one)
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Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

Who is the coolest guy in the hospital?

V

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The ultra sound guy.

V

Who stands in for him when he's on holiday?

V

V

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The hip replacement guy.

niemeyjt
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Re: Jokes.

Post by niemeyjt »

mysty wrote:
Sat Jun 06, 2020 10:20 pm
Why does pea and ham soup upset snowmen's tummies.
Gives them the runs. :lol:
( better than my last one)
What's the difference between pea soup and roast ham?

You can roast ham.

and in same vein . . .

What's the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?

You cannot hear a vitamin.

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FrenchForumSurvivor
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Re: Jokes.

Post by FrenchForumSurvivor »

Reminds me of the difference between a goldfish and a mountain goat - the goldfish mucks around the fountain.
“Donald Trump is a curious blend;
There's crap comes out of either end."
—With apologies to Ogden Nash

Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

The difference between a nun and a woman in the bath?

The nun has hope in her soul.

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