Jokes.

A place for some light-hearted chat.
Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

rabbit wrote:
Mon Jan 27, 2020 2:03 pm
At least Ally doesn’t split hairs
Like a knife through the heart. What I lack in hair I make up for in feelings.
On a positive note I haven't lost a comb since 1991.

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rabbit
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Re: Jokes.

Post by rabbit »

niemeyjt wrote:
Mon Jan 27, 2020 2:19 pm
rabbit wrote:
Mon Jan 27, 2020 2:03 pm
At least Ally doesn’t split hairs
And hopefully, Rabbit, he does not split hares either.
That’s not bunny

niemeyjt
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Re: Jokes.

Post by niemeyjt »

rabbit wrote:
Mon Jan 27, 2020 5:03 pm
That’s not bunny
Must make you hopping mad . . .

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just a Frenchie
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Re: Jokes.

Post by just a Frenchie »

A woman goes home and says to her husband:
"You have to fire the driver, he has almost killed me twice!"
"Give him another chance ..." !!!

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A perpetually worried kid asks his parents:
"Have I been adopted?"
"Not yet, we only put the advert yesterday"!

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A secretary to her boss:
"Chief, I have good news and bad news ..."
"Well, start with the good news, my little one."
"You are not sterile, sir !!!"

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A woman takes a lover for the first time.
After making love in an hotel room, she blushes and says:
"I think it was not very good what we just did ..."
"You're right; we start again and, this time, we try to do it better!"
  
--------------------------------
 
 Mistress: Tony, tell me sincerely, do you pray before each meal ?
Tony: No, mistress, I don't need it ... my mom is a great cook.

---------------------------------

Mistress: Arthur, your writing "my dog" is exactly the same as that of your brother. Did you copy ?
Arthur: No mistress, but the dog is the same.
 
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Mistress: Bruno, what name do we give to a person who continues to speak even if the others are not interested in the subject ?
Bruno: A professor ...
You learn from your mistakes but it's much quicker and cheaper to learn from the mistakes of other people ! :D

Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

A tortoise climbs up a tree, along a limb, out to the end of a branch then plummets to the ground. He shakes himself down and repeats the procedure. Up the tree, along the limb out to the end of the branch and boom, down to earth again. Two pigeons are in the tree watching this and one turns to the other and says, "I think it's time Junior learned he's adopted."

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Nifty
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Nifty »

Snow White thought that 7 Up was a soft drink until she met the dwarves.

Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

Danish fishermen 1:
I caught a UK shrimp today.
Danish fisherman 2:
How do you know it’s from the UK?
Danish fisherman 1:
When I emptied the net it rose up and said “I’m a lobster.”

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ANOther
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Re: Jokes.

Post by ANOther »

Nifty wrote:
Sun Feb 02, 2020 11:05 am
Snow White thought that 7 Up was a soft drink until she met the dwarves.
And Michael Jackson thought that 'Boyz II Men' was a takeaway service.
Brexit: ‘taking back’ what we had never lost in order to lose everything we had...

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ANOther
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Re: Jokes.

Post by ANOther »

FrenchForumSurvivor wrote:
Mon Jan 27, 2020 10:09 am
ANOther wrote:
Mon Jan 27, 2020 7:49 am
Ally wrote:
Mon Jan 06, 2020 8:38 pm
"How Dutch is that moggie in the window?"
My daughter can sing that whole song backwards.

"Window the in doggie that is much how............"
If she can sing the whole song backwards, surely it should start: "Sale for doggie's that hope do I......."
She can sing it forwards backwards and backwards forwards.
Brexit: ‘taking back’ what we had never lost in order to lose everything we had...

Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

A snow man, carrying a pail of water with a carrot in it, goes to see a marriage guidance councillor.
The councillor says “I’m a marriage guidance councillor, how can I help you?”
The pail of water replies “He’ll no sleep with me because I like the electric blanket on.”
The snow man says “That’s no the reason, it’s because you wet the bed.”
The marriage guidance councillor handed the pail of water a kleenex and said “Here, dry your eyes.”
The snowman says “What am I supposed to do now?”
The councillor shrugs his shoulders and says “Buy a ham bone and some lentils and make a pot of soup?”

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