Jokes.

A place for some light-hearted chat.
Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

What a day. I’ve just been stopped by the police. The cop said I was speeding and asked me for my licence. I told him I didn’t have one as I was serving a ban for drunk driving. He then asked me for the registration and insurance documents. I told him I didn’t have them as I had stolen the car, murdered the owner and stuffed his body in the boot. He lurched back and radioed for back up. In the blink of an eye I was surrounded by cops including an armed response unit. A senior officer told me to get out the car and lie on the road while another opened the boot to find it empty.
“This officer said you had murdered the owner and stuffed his body in the boot.” He shouted at me.
“I’m the owner”I answered.
“The officer said you don’t have registration and insurance documents.”
“I do!” I said “They’re in the glove box beside my licence”
“The officer said you didn’t have a licence”
“OH!” I shouted ” AND I’LL BET THE LYING B45T4RD SAID I WAS SPEEDING TOO.”

OldSchool
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Re: Jokes.

Post by OldSchool »

I saw my mate Charlie this morning, he's only got one arm bless him.
I shouted. “Where you off to Charlie”? He said.

“I'm off to change a light bulb”.
Well, I just cracked up, couldn't stop laughing.

I said. “That's gonna be a bit awkward init”?
“Not really”, He said.

“I still have the receipt, you insensitive bastard”.

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just a Frenchie
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Re: Jokes.

Post by just a Frenchie »

chiracunebonnebiere_.jpg
You learn from your mistakes but it's much quicker and cheaper to learn from the mistakes of other people ! :D

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Nifty
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Nifty »

curtis wrote:
Mon Jan 20, 2020 11:42 am
For those that like La Chasse !

La chasse à palombre


I never realised that Mont de Marsan was that famous.

When we moved near there we thought that we were moving to civilisation.
Later, we learned that some of those that live in the town thought that we lived in the back of beyond.

Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

Some friends are having a joint party for Chinese New year and Burns night. They say it's a Chinese-Burns night. I'm no that keen but no doubt I'll get my arm twisted!

Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

To A Snowman

I made myself a snowman, as perfect as can be.
I thought I’d keep it as a pet and let it sleep with me.
I made it some pyjamas and a pillow for its head.
But last night the b*st*rd melted and pissed the f*ckin’ bed.

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mysty
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Re: Jokes.

Post by mysty »

Was that another Burns wan :P
mysty1 the new up to date user friendly version for an enhanced user experience

Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

I don't know I apparently posted it on MyFaceSpace four years ago. I have no recollection of whether I penned it or stole it.

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ANOther
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Re: Jokes.

Post by ANOther »

Ally wrote:
Mon Jan 06, 2020 8:38 pm
"How Dutch is that moggie in the window?"
My daughter can sing that whole song backwards.

"Window the in doggie that is much how............"
Brexit: ‘taking back’ what we had never lost in order to lose everything we had...

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FrenchForumSurvivor
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Re: Jokes.

Post by FrenchForumSurvivor »

ANOther wrote:
Mon Jan 27, 2020 7:49 am
Ally wrote:
Mon Jan 06, 2020 8:38 pm
"How Dutch is that moggie in the window?"
My daughter can sing that whole song backwards.

"Window the in doggie that is much how............"
If she can sing the whole song backwards, surely it should start: "Sale for doggie's that hope do I......."
"I am a man of fixed and unbending principles, the first of which is to be flexible at all times." - Everett Dirksen

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