Jokes.

A place for some light-hearted chat.
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just a Frenchie
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Re: Jokes.

Post by just a Frenchie »

A Belgian tidies his garage:

You learn from your mistakes but it's much quicker and cheaper to learn from the mistakes of other people ! :D

wilbro
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Re: Jokes.

Post by wilbro »

Football fan

A primary teacher starts a new job at a school on Mersyside and, trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that she is a Liverpool fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Liverpool fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.

The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?"

"Because I'm not a Liverpool fan," she replied.

The teacher, still shocked, asked: "Well if your not a Liverpool fan, then who are you a fan of?"

"I'm a Manchester City fan, and proud of it," Mary replied.

The teacher could not believe her ears.
"Mary, why, pray tell, are you a City fan?"

"Because my mum and dad are from Manchester, and my mum is a City fan and my dad is a City fan, so I'm a City fan too!"

"Well," said the teacher, in a obviously annoyed tone, "that's no reason for you to be a City fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all the time. What if your mum was a prostitute and you dad was a drug dealer and car theif, what what you be then?"

"Then," Mary smiled, "I'd be a Liverpool fan."

ajm
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Re: Jokes.

Post by ajm »

I'm at that stage in life where I have started to use Viagra ----- if only to stop me rolling out of bed :D
If I had known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself. Mae West.

Woodbine
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Woodbine »

Took grandkids to local panto last week ... Heard following joke which went down well ...
Auntie May (leading lady) ..admiring a man in audience: "He's nice. He can casserole me anytime"
Leading man replies: "You mean he can caress you. Casserole means being done slowly over several hours"
Auntie May: "I know what I'm talking about"

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mysty
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Re: Jokes.

Post by mysty »

Two me are talking in the pub.
One has been out of work for a while the other is a stinking rich banker.
The poor man says I bought my wife a pair of slippers and a vibrator for Christmas.
The rich man says why slippers and a vibrator.
The poor man says if she does not like the slippers she can go an f-ck herself. :x
It was funny on the sopranos :lol:
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Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

This is a family forum.

Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

Two six year olds are talking in bar.
"I found a condom on the veranda" says one
"What's a veranda?" asks the other.

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DominicBest
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Re: Jokes.

Post by DominicBest »

An American, on holiday in deep, dark West Cornwall, decides that he wants to get some first hand experience of local life so he heads down to the village pub. He walks into the bar which is very quiet, just the landlord behind the bar and a scruffy old man sitting on his own at a table. He buys a pint and sits on a stool at the bar and prepares to soak up the atmosphere. Within five minutes he’s bored. He looks around again, the landlord has disappeared so there’s just the old man, a few chairs and tables and a dartboard. He has an idea and walks over to the other customer and asks if he’d like a game of darts.
‘Don’t play’, was the reply.
‘How about a drink?’
‘I’ll take a pint, thanks.’
The American returns to the bar, gets a top up, for himself and a pint for his new friend. He returns to the table and tries to strike up a conversation but quickly discovers that the Cornishman is a man of few words. That’s not a real problem as the American likes the sound of his own voice and tells the other about his visit to England. Eventually he asks a question that gets a response.
‘What’s your job, how do you earn your living?’
‘Farmer.’
One word but the right word.
‘A farmer, that’s great, I’m a farmer too!’
With something in common there’s no stopping the American who starts telling the local about his farm back in the states. Eventually he feels the need to tell the Cornishman that his farm is big, much bigger than anything you’d find this side of the Atlantic. As he wants to impress the local with the size of his farm he thinks of a way that will avoid any confusion.
‘When I say my farm’s big, I mean really big. On my farm I can get in my car early in the morning, stay in the car all day and never leave my own land.’
The Cornishman at last seems to see that there may be something in common between him and this talkative foreigner so replies,
‘Yes, my car’s like that too.’

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just a Frenchie
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Re: Jokes.

Post by just a Frenchie »

encore toi.jpg
You learn from your mistakes but it's much quicker and cheaper to learn from the mistakes of other people ! :D

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just a Frenchie
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Re: Jokes.

Post by just a Frenchie »

taureau neige.jpg
You learn from your mistakes but it's much quicker and cheaper to learn from the mistakes of other people ! :D

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