Jokes.

A place for some light-hearted chat.
Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

A guy walks into a bar in Glasgow and says to the barman "Do you know there's a puddle in front of the bar with a Rangers scarf and a Celtic scarf in it?" The barman says "Aye, there were two snowmen in after the big match and it got a bit heated."

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rabbit
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Re: Jokes.

Post by rabbit »

mysty wrote:
Thu Sep 05, 2019 10:52 am
rabbit wrote:
Thu Sep 05, 2019 10:13 am
Sorry Mysty got spell checked. But maybe......
Two things wabbit, nothing wrong with musty.
In today's world there is an edit icon if you click the three small dots too right hand corner you will find edit.
Edit means you can change your spelling.
Hope that helps :lol:
Many thanks for the edit tip. On reflection I think I will still refer to you as a spellchecked Musty when in the Jokes section and Mysty everywhere else :P

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Re: Jokes.

Post by ajm »

mysty wrote:
Thu Sep 05, 2019 10:52 am
rabbit wrote:
Thu Sep 05, 2019 10:13 am
Sorry Mysty got spell checked. But maybe......
Two things wabbit, nothing wrong with musty.
In today's world there is an edit icon if you click the three small dots too right hand corner you will find edit.
Edit means you can change your spelling.
Hope that helps :lol:
Looks more like a pen to me ;)
If I had known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself. Mae West.

Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

A weasel walks into a bar and the barman says, "Wow! A weasel! I've never served a weasel before. What can I get you?"
"Pop!" goes the weasel.

Ally

Re: Jokes.

Post by Ally »

If this is the shit Enid Blyton is turning out now no wonder young people are out of control.
Screenshot_20190909-145550_Chrome.jpg

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mysty
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Re: Jokes.

Post by mysty »

So this fat snowman went to the doctors and said I look like a fat snowman.
The doctor said join a gym and come back and see me in a couple of months.
Two months later the snowman goes back to see the doctor and says nothing has changed since I joined a gym, will have to go past and ask for my money back.
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Mike
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Mike »

Thought this would amuse:

Oxford University researchers have discovered the densest element yet known to science.
The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pillocks.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years.
It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as a critical morass.
When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (symbol=Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many pillocks but twice as many morons.

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Re: Jokes.

Post by Lemorvan »

image.jpeg

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mysty
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Re: Jokes.

Post by mysty »

Why do saltmines employ snowmen
They never last till the end of the month and pay day. :lol:

Just made that one up.
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Re: Jokes.

Post by Lemorvan »

Does anyone know how long you cook those boil in the bag fish?

You don't get any instructions from the Fun Fair.

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